So, let's start this one with.....WHAT AN AWESOME LESSON I LEARNT RECENTLY!
As far as what my memory serves me (which isn't saying much these days -but let's pretend I can still occasionally remember an important fact or two like my name, telephone number, how many kids I have....two kids, right? Or is that four? Three? Okay, Okay...I know it's somewhere between two and five...although with all that quarelling it could well be TEN!) Anyway, where was I.....as far as what my memory serves me (hehehe) I don't remember a time since Sam's birth when I truly felt hopeless...defeated...and if any situation was going to make you feel that way, surely having a child with more challenging needs would have done it? Alas, this has not been the case with our family and although I feel it best not to go into any detail, we were faced with a situation which left me with those very feelings....hopeless....defeated.....and only now that the cause has eased off a little (temporary though it might be) and I have found myself in a stronger state of mind, can I actually reflect on it although now with a shadow of shame and guilt.
The "situation" (I have to apologise - you must be dying to know the details...maybe one day) has played itself out over a long period of time, but recently came to a pinnacle point. On it's own it would have been a struggle worthy of a World War title....but more devastating is that the major player involved goes by the label of Christian. The situation left me feeling absolutely, completely powerless...isn't that how you would feel if the power to protect your baby was taken away from you? I am not too self-righteous to admit there have been times when I have asked why God does not seem to hear our prayers...our pleas for help...but this was just on a completely different level. Whereas, as heartbreaking as it sometimes is, I do believe that Samuel is every inch the tiny person God meant for him to be in order for him to fulfill a glorious purpose here on Earth but I could just not find any possible reason for why He would allow this kind of tribulation.
Selwyn Hughes says that Christians sometimes nail themselves to a cross and how accurate he is...we chastise ourselves for something, long past the Lord's ultimate gift of forgiveness...and not only does this distance us from Him, but serves no purpose as we self-inflict a sentence already borne in sacrifice by His own Son. Well just as I was wondering if it isn't better....no, EASIER....to rather surrender my own Christian identity as opposed to having to fight Satan for the right to keep it, I realised a fundamental error I had made....failing to give up control of the situation because I believed that He had done just that. And then I doubted whether I still deserved His Grace after having committed a fundamental error in faith. Over those couple of days I cannot tell you how many "coincidental messages" I received reminding me that He NEVER leaves us, even though our troubles sometimes cloud our ability to see Him there and I have to express how vital it is to have friends and a fellowship-family whose beliefs mirror your own.
So...the "situation" is still not yet resolved and will take some time to be so, if ever...but our Smurf is FINALLY on the mend which is such an AMAZING blessing to be thankful for. On top of everything else (as if a kidney infection is not enough) Sam decided to bring a little gastro home from the hospital, which was promptly shared with first myself, then Luke and finally on Thursday afternoon with Meghan. And how is this for a "The Joys of Being a Mom" moment...Luke and Meg were both flatout for at least twenty-four hours with the bug, both nauseous and suffering excruciating stomach cramps combined with a delightful fever and complete loss of appetite, much like the symptoms Sam and I had. On Friday afternoon Luke asked me "Why didn't you have to stay in bed when you had the bug?" Like..you have GOT to be kidding! Uuuhhmmmm, let's see Luke...I was contemplating flopping down onto the bed when the cramps and nauseau made it almost impossible to stand up straight, but then I thought of the unwashed baby bottles, unmade Nestargel, unwearably filthy clothes, unmade dinner, etc etc and suddenly the wave of jealousy at who was going to steal my daily pleasure of carrying out these chores completely washed over the wave of nauseau!
Back to our little Smurf who - when the tummy bug first settled in, went off his food and then eventually (for a whole day) went off his milk - finally has some sign of his appetite returning. I tested his urine yesterday and it was completely clear, which is also wonderful. His nose is still a little snotty and congested but hopefully that will clear soon too. The teething is just another issue on its own, although I fear I might be to blame. I distinctly remember a few posts ago saying wouldn't it be great if Sam cut all his teeth in three's! Boy, this would be one of those times when my short-term memory loss wouldn't be a bad thing. Well it looks like Sam's been reading his own blog because...low and behold...that's exactly what's happening again! The little smurf's gums are completely red and swollen, seemingly everywhere. And not that he ever really LOVED going to the shops, but he has developed an utter aversion to being in a shop...which usually plays out in the most hysterical screaming fit. But he remains so completely and heartwarmingly adorable with his little sing-song voice, no-longer-toothless smile and ever-searching fingers for the closest, unsuspecting mouth.
Luke's rendition of Sammy Smurf
Sam's unrelentless attempts to get his hand in someone...ANYONE'S....mouth is not just reserved for friends or family, even the nurses at the hospital are not safe from those little prying fingers (and we wonder how he landed up with a tummy bug in a hospital after exercising such wonderfully hygenic practices).