SAM...MORE THAN A CONQUEROR: A muchness of nothingness

Sam. Conqueror. Overcomer.

"IN ALL THINGS WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS THROUGH HIM WHO LOVES US : Samuel was born on 15th May 2009, two months early and in respiratory distress. After an initial Apgar score of 1, he was taken to the NICU and placed on a ventilator, together with an undeterminable amount of tubes, IV’s and monitors which made it almost impossible to see the little Smurfie character lying within…slightly blue and only three apples high. Sam was diagnosed within 24 hours with Rubinstein-Taybi Syndrome, a scarce medical advantage as, due to the rare occurrence of the Syndrome and the limited medical literature on it, many individuals are only diagnosed well into adulthood and some never at all. The page-long list of medical/health issues related to the syndrome, while vital in providing a prognosis and compiling a care plan, took a backseat, however, as Sam’s struggle to breathe and swallow became the primary focus of our concerns and prayers, deepened only by the heartache of not being allowed to hold and comfort him for the first ten days of his already traumatic life. After seven weeks Sam was successfully weaned from the oxygen but was still dependent on a nasal gastric tube for feeding, with which he was eventually discharged. Once home, what should have been a precious time to recover from the stress of the NICU and enjoy a relaxed and cherished time together, instead became a seemingly-endless timeline of specialist appointments, therapies, illnesses and surgeries as that page-long list of medical complexities came into play, affecting every part of Sam…physically, neurologically, medically and emotionally. Yet, despite these challenges and an “ineducable” future being predicted when his prognosis was delivered, Sam showed a delightful potential and eagerness for learning. Unfortunately though, this learning potential seemed limited to his cognitive abilities as, physically, Sam’s development lagged significantly behind that of his RTS peers. A week before his 5th birthday a brain MRI confirmed that, in addition to the RTS, Sam also has Periventricular Leukomalacia and Static Leukoencephalopathy (included under the umbrella diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy), which would more than likely have occurred as a result of the oxygen deprivation experienced leading up to and/or during his birth. Thirteen years later and with a number of surgeries and medical procedures which appear to be in fierce competition for their own “page-long list” (which surgeries and their subsequent recoveries have left Sam to face his day-to-day life with a residue of unshakeable anxieties and phobias), the boy you meet face-to-face…with his cheeky sense of humour, unfathomable joy and fierce warrior spirit…make it almost impossible to believe that that disheartening brain MRI and poor medical prognosis are of the same kid. As we begin to navigate this journey with a newly aged differently-abled teenager, leaving behind the little smurf whose fears and discomforts could so easily be remedied with a cuddle on mom’s lap, the anxiety of more surgeries and medical challenges now compounded by the universal fear of every differently-abled child’s parent/s (who will take care of their child once their own time here is gone) threatens to become overwhelming. But then the excitement of a horseriding lesson, the sheer delight of spotting a balloon (especially a hot air balloon) or a super silly giggle caused by simply hearing someone sneeze provides a beautiful reminder of the profound joy and courage these children radiate, despite their overwhelming challenges, and it provides the perfect encouragement and inspiration for facing your own. #samtheconqueror

SAMUEL - COMPLETE IN GOD
Our world has crashed, been blown apart.
This can't be happening....why us? Why now?
Your fragile life shaken before it could barely start,
How do we get through this...please, Lord, tell us how?

Drowning in our sorrow, waiting for answers that just don't come.
Our baby "special needs"? It simply can't be true!
The heartache overwhelms us, we're left feeling cold and numb.
The diagnosis tells us little - these children are so few.

But then we finallyget to touch you, to see your precious face
And all the heartache and questions fade, replaced with love and pride.
It's obvious from the very start you're showered in God's grace,
And with His love and guidance, we'll take this challenge in stride.

When once we couldn't pronounce it, Rubinstein-Taybi's become our norm.
When once the future seemed dark, we now welcome the journey as having an RTS angel brings lessons in unexpected form.

Our world has crashed, been blown apart!
This IS happening....to us.....right now!
We've been blessed with a gift, so precious from the very start. How do we get through this? Here's how.....
By believing in a God, so merciful and great,
By trusting that He's right beside us as we journey through the narrow gate.
By believing His love for us is not determined by a human frame,
By trusting that we draw Him near by merely calling His name. This precious baby we asked God for,
Prayed he'd be perfect and complete.
And, as Samuel means "God hears", He's laid His answer at our feet.

(Nicky de Beer : 27/05/2010)

Monday, April 29, 2013

A muchness of nothingness

Woo Hoo! A post! It's as much of a surprise to me as it is to you, believe me, what with the little smurf still recovering and all. Nope, not from his ENT procedure but from still being ill. Still? Yes! Still! I can't even remember how long it's been now since we last experienced the increasingly elusive state of (relative) good health. I think we're floating somewhere round five or six weeks already. I know Sam and I did a straight few weeks of not leaving the house once...not at all...not for a minute...not for a second. NADA. It was...uuhhh...interesting, for lack of a more blog-acceptable word.

We're still all snotty...and coughy...and tonsilly. "We" being Sam, although the fact that it effects our lives as much (although not in the same way) as Sam's, makes it a definite "We". I can tell you one thing we are NOT! And that is vomity! Want to know what makes that even more surprising? We are currently on Day 4 of an antibiotic. (Yes, another one). Want to know how much of that antibiotic has been v-worded out? Not a drop...not a mil...not once....not at all. NADA. Why? Because for the first time in almost four years someone (who is always in-tune with Sam's sensory and v-word issues and generally goes by the name of Dr Paed) had the sense and expertise to prescripe an antibiotic for our little dude that comes in the form of a solutab. It dissolves instantly and has very little taste. At first, just to be safe, I camouflaged it in some yoghurt but yesterday simply mixed it in with his normal food and Sam polished it off without hesitation. Absolutely brilliant. #touchingwoodfrantically

And that's where we're at...which is nowhere at all really. Dr Paed is uncertain whether, even though they're being a little troublesome lately, removing Sam's tonsils is a good idea at all. Sam's really been struggling at night with this whole "floppy airway"' issue which many of his RTS siblings experience problems with. Dr Paed is concerned that the tonsils are at least providing some sort of support at the moment, as warped a support as that may be, preventing the airways collapsing completely at night. We've considered the option of doing a sleep study with painful care, but there is absolutely no way Sam will tolerate a sleep study right now. He barely tolerates me touching his face. CPAP's and the like are even less of an option. So for now we trudge along, hoping that there might be some relief, in the way of no illness/germs, making its way to us some time in the near future.