SAM...MORE THAN A CONQUEROR: Fight-Flight 101

Sam. Conqueror. Overcomer.

"IN ALL THINGS WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS THROUGH HIM WHO LOVES US : Samuel was born on 15th May 2009, two months early and in respiratory distress. After an initial Apgar score of 1, he was taken to the NICU and placed on a ventilator, together with an undeterminable amount of tubes, IV’s and monitors which made it almost impossible to see the little Smurfie character lying within…slightly blue and only three apples high. Sam was diagnosed within 24 hours with Rubinstein-Taybi Syndrome, a scarce medical advantage as, due to the rare occurrence of the Syndrome and the limited medical literature on it, many individuals are only diagnosed well into adulthood and some never at all. The page-long list of medical/health issues related to the syndrome, while vital in providing a prognosis and compiling a care plan, took a backseat, however, as Sam’s struggle to breathe and swallow became the primary focus of our concerns and prayers, deepened only by the heartache of not being allowed to hold and comfort him for the first ten days of his already traumatic life. After seven weeks Sam was successfully weaned from the oxygen but was still dependent on a nasal gastric tube for feeding, with which he was eventually discharged. Once home, what should have been a precious time to recover from the stress of the NICU and enjoy a relaxed and cherished time together, instead became a seemingly-endless timeline of specialist appointments, therapies, illnesses and surgeries as that page-long list of medical complexities came into play, affecting every part of Sam…physically, neurologically, medically and emotionally. Yet, despite these challenges and an “ineducable” future being predicted when his prognosis was delivered, Sam showed a delightful potential and eagerness for learning. Unfortunately though, this learning potential seemed limited to his cognitive abilities as, physically, Sam’s development lagged significantly behind that of his RTS peers. A week before his 5th birthday a brain MRI confirmed that, in addition to the RTS, Sam also has Periventricular Leukomalacia and Static Leukoencephalopathy (included under the umbrella diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy), which would more than likely have occurred as a result of the oxygen deprivation experienced leading up to and/or during his birth. Thirteen years later and with a number of surgeries and medical procedures which appear to be in fierce competition for their own “page-long list” (which surgeries and their subsequent recoveries have left Sam to face his day-to-day life with a residue of unshakeable anxieties and phobias), the boy you meet face-to-face…with his cheeky sense of humour, unfathomable joy and fierce warrior spirit…make it almost impossible to believe that that disheartening brain MRI and poor medical prognosis are of the same kid. As we begin to navigate this journey with a newly aged differently-abled teenager, leaving behind the little smurf whose fears and discomforts could so easily be remedied with a cuddle on mom’s lap, the anxiety of more surgeries and medical challenges now compounded by the universal fear of every differently-abled child’s parent/s (who will take care of their child once their own time here is gone) threatens to become overwhelming. But then the excitement of a horseriding lesson, the sheer delight of spotting a balloon (especially a hot air balloon) or a super silly giggle caused by simply hearing someone sneeze provides a beautiful reminder of the profound joy and courage these children radiate, despite their overwhelming challenges, and it provides the perfect encouragement and inspiration for facing your own. #samtheconqueror

SAMUEL - COMPLETE IN GOD
Our world has crashed, been blown apart.
This can't be happening....why us? Why now?
Your fragile life shaken before it could barely start,
How do we get through this...please, Lord, tell us how?

Drowning in our sorrow, waiting for answers that just don't come.
Our baby "special needs"? It simply can't be true!
The heartache overwhelms us, we're left feeling cold and numb.
The diagnosis tells us little - these children are so few.

But then we finallyget to touch you, to see your precious face
And all the heartache and questions fade, replaced with love and pride.
It's obvious from the very start you're showered in God's grace,
And with His love and guidance, we'll take this challenge in stride.

When once we couldn't pronounce it, Rubinstein-Taybi's become our norm.
When once the future seemed dark, we now welcome the journey as having an RTS angel brings lessons in unexpected form.

Our world has crashed, been blown apart!
This IS happening....to us.....right now!
We've been blessed with a gift, so precious from the very start. How do we get through this? Here's how.....
By believing in a God, so merciful and great,
By trusting that He's right beside us as we journey through the narrow gate.
By believing His love for us is not determined by a human frame,
By trusting that we draw Him near by merely calling His name. This precious baby we asked God for,
Prayed he'd be perfect and complete.
And, as Samuel means "God hears", He's laid His answer at our feet.

(Nicky de Beer : 27/05/2010)

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Fight-Flight 101

An interesting bit of info I read recently is that Risperdal can heighten anxiety issues. Very interesting. Especially as I sit here on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis trying to figure out where all these extra anxieties have come from. Now it's no secret that I am not Risperdal's No.1 fan, almost instantly Sam became over-emotional and insatiably hungry. But I figured a little sporadic sobbing and healthy appetite was a small price to pay if there was noticeable improvement in other areas, like sleeping and social behaviour. The thing is, there's been no noticeable improvement in those areas so at this stage the negatives are outweighing the positives. I am still cautious about taking Sam off the Risperdal though, so have opted for the most conservative weaning process which is decreasing his dose by 10% every 3-4 weeks which effectively means that Sam will only be Risperdal-free at the end of June.

Trying to figure a way forward with Sam's social development has made me realise that we do not give Sam's anxiety issues enough credit for the role they play in his social interaction. Sam comes from at least two generations of severe anxiety sufferers (a story for another day but, yes, genetics do play a role in anxiety disorders), compounded by an under-developed nervous system from being born prem and needing the many medical procedures his special needs required with only this under-developed sensory base to comfort and stabilise him. I am an adult with a fully-functioning cognitive system (well most of the time) from which to draw the rationale which would help me process all the 'trauma' in my life, like surgeries, etc and yet still I can quite comfortably say that I'd be close to a nervous wreck having dealt with some of the challenges Sam has.

HOW TO RECOGNISE ANXIETY IN CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS

Fear is a normal part of childhood. But for many kids with special needs–kids who’ve experienced scary medical procedures, separation from their parents, constant pain, and other situations they shouldn’t have to endure–anxiety can become debilitating or lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). When it does, parents and other caring adults need to step in and help them find treatment.

5 Symptoms of Anxiety in Kids

But how can we know when ordinary childhood fear has morphed into debilitating anxiety? A post at Lending Hand Resources lists the following 5 symptoms.

• Your child doesn’t want to leave the house. To the point where they avoid it or display fear and sadness when forced to leave.
• Your child is always angry. Anxious children are angry because they feel trapped.
• Your child is always sick. Anxious kids fear the worst. So they over react to the slightest headache or heart flutter.
• Your child sweats constantly. This is a natural physical reaction for kids who are always ready for flight or fright.
•Your child can’t sleep. Anxiety leads to racing thoughts. And who can sleep with all that head noise?

The entire article can be found at Is Your Child Suffering from Anxiety? Five Symptoms to Look For.

Just one of the more basic articles on anxiety, but still significant in identifying many of our issues with Sam.

The first major step is a change is mindset, from my side. I have lived most of my life with anxiety and on more than one occasion needed medication to help me cope, so one would think I would automatically have this built-in alarm system which would perfectly guide me to a more tranquil little dude, right? Wrong! Sometimes my desire to see Sam enjoying something 'normal' overides my judgement, like yesterday afternoon. We took a drive to the waterfront, not anticipating how frightfully busy it was going to be. Meg and Chris were inside the mall trying to find something to drink but the noise levels were unbearable in there so I pushed Sam outside for a few mins of as-close-as-we'd-get to some quiet. I'd barely got outside when Sam spotted the Big Wheel which, thanks to Mr Tumble, he gestured excitedly at and signed "big wheel". Mommy brain cheered "Yay! Sam likes!" and instantly pushed Sam closer while sensory-cautious brain lay trampled on the ground.

I have told so many people so many times that Sam likes everything from a distance, I don't know what I was thinking by pushing him closer to the Big Wheel, especially as it meant dealing with the extra noise from all the outside eateries. 50 metres from the wheel and smack bang in the middle of all the folks enjoying their meals Sam went into screech-overload, ironingboard-mode! Chris calls it surfboard-mode, go figure ¶: Either way, you're dealing with a 20kg kid who is in full startle extension, screeching at a pitch that would put a fire engine's siren to shame. In hindsight, it must have been pretty darn entertaining...153cm high, stress-relief smoothie (of all things) yielding woman trying to remove said panic-stricken dude from pushchair...with one hand nevertheless. It was by far our most traumatic social meltdown EVER! And this without vomit even. Me thinks we'll do the hermit thing again this week. No wait, what am I saying...Meg has a soccer match tomorrow. Oh my fragile heart.

And in other, nowhere near as exciting news...

Sam lost his first tooth..literally. He swswallowed it during his 7-minute nap and it has never been seen again ;) I was quite surprised that the tooth fell out at such a 'normal' age seeing as he only got his first tooth at 13mnths. The new tooth is coming out behind his other teeth though so it looks as though a visit to a Macro Craniofacial Surgeon is on the cards soon. Also Sam's relentless teeth-grinding means that another tooth has been virtually ground down into the gum #sigh

Doing our blue bit for World Autism Day

Aha...a possibility for tomorrow's soccer match. Our most successful hockey tournament by far...lots of PT setting the trailer up but Sam was pretty comfortable and even made a new friend :)